"Parenting Your Teen" with Mike Domitrz

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Kids online activities and Parent Monitoring

How many hours a month do you think pre-teens and teenagers are online? On average, most kids are spending 20 hours online. Most kids between the ages of 13 – 17 believe their parents have no clue as to what their activities are online.  imagine the freedom college brings 1st year students and their online explorations.  Here’s what they do, where they go, who they meet:

Friendships.
35% of our children ages 8-17 have made friends online 50 % of U.S. of our teens ages 13-17 claim to have made friends online 33% of children prefer spending time with their online friends rather than their offline friends

Social networking.
76% of our teens. teens ages 13-17 "constantly," "frequently" or "sometimes" visit social networking sites.

Shopping online.
35% of kids report being "very confident" or "confident" in shopping online.  Do you know where your credit card is?

Getting requests for personal information.
42% of kids ages 13-17 have received an online request for personal information.

Being approached by strangers.
16 percent of them have been approached online by a stranger; however, U.S. adults believe that just 6 percent of children have been approached online by a stranger.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?  Learn about online monitoring programs and software packages.  They can track EVERY little detail for you (from Instant Messaging to every visit online).  At the same time, you need to continually TALK with pre-teens and teenagers about the internet.  When they are at a friend's house, your monitoring software is not going to do any good.  Educate them and empower them.

What program do you use for monitoring?  What do you like about it?  Help other parents by sharing with us here on the blog.

Tea Party With Moms and Sexually Active Teen Daughters

Parents involved in their children’s lives encourage kids to walk the right path. Creating a bond with your child and understanding their world opens lines of communication. Once those lines are open, it’s easier for your kids to feel they can approach you about the challenges and questions most teenagers will never talk to their parents about.

That’s exactly what a Mother/Daughter Tea Party in Knoxville, TN attempted to do. The community recognized that all schools in the area have sexually active 7th and 8th graders. The organizing group wanted to continue the trend of decreasing pregnant teens. To do so, they understood the importance of having parents discuss the issues of dating and sexual activity in a fun, bonding atmosphere. Besides discussing these issues, the girls learned proper tea etiquette and other social graces.

What an innovative, non-threatening, and fun way to talk to teens -- to bond and create awareness

Click here to read more details.

Sexual Predators only need 15 seconds with your child / teenage son or daugther.

How many seconds does it take for a police officer posing as a minor to be approached by a sexual predator? 15 seconds. It only takes 35 – 45 seconds before a predator turns on his web cam and begins performing sexual acts for the camera.

Sexual predators are crafty and have a sixth sense. They know how to spot the weaknesses in young children and what they will respond to.

Talk to your children about being safe while on the internet. Review the following with them:

1. - Never allow your children to give out personal information over the internet
2. - Never give out your true name
3. - Personal diaries should be just that, personal and never to be posted online
4. - Anything posted on the internet is a permanent record
5. - Never meet anyone from the internet in person

Parents, educate yourself – know terms and internet slang.  Research software programs allowing you to put parental blocks on certain web sites.  Many of the newer programs are very in-depth which is what parents need nowadays.

Click here to read more.

Parents, Cyber Bulling Among Teens is Growing IN HOMES!!

Do you know one of the fastest growing forms of teen violence is?  Cyber Bullying.  Bullies have moved from the hallways of schools directly into our childs' lives at home.

While most people assume Cyber Bullying occurs only in social networking forums such as MySpace.com, the reality is bullying is taking place through chat rooms and instant messages. More children are harassed through this medium than any other. Check out the statistics:

Of the 1,600 kids between 10 and 15 years of age surveyed across the nation:

1. 4% reported unwanted sexual solicitation
2. 9% reported being harassed on social networking sites
3. 59% more solicitations were received over instant messengers

Overall, kids were 96% more likely to be harassed in instant messages than on a social networking site.

The likelihood of a child being harassed in cyber space and offline is strikingly high. Make sure you know who your kids friends are both in the virtual world as well as the real world.

Click here to read more.

Online Child Abusers Are In Homes Everywhere, Parents.

The Internet brings a wide array of how children can be victimized. Abusers can instantly get what they want: child pornography, sexually explicit chats, and the opportunity to coerce a child into a meeting.

These abusers come right into your home and make contact with your children. The group most victimized by this behavior is girls between the ages of 12 and 14 years old.  Due to severe harassment and the realization of what has been going on, some teenagers have committed suicide. Today, many children know more about computers than their parents do. While they are smart about some aspects of technology, they are frequently naïve about the real dangers they face online.

Awareness of what is going on in your child's life is key when it comes to their protection.  Keep an eye on their online world.  After all, the crime is happening right inside the home (a place every child should be safe).

The article in the Hickory Record (click here to read) inspired this posting.

Parent need to talk with teenagers about teen dating violence and abuse.

Do you realize how common teen dating violence is?  Look at these stats below:

1. One in three female teens in a dating relationship report having feared for their safety.
2. About 30% of teens in a dating relationship have been text-messaged 10, 20 or 30 times an hour by a partner finding out where they are.
3. One in five teens in a serious relationship report having been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
4. One in four girls in a relationship report having been pressured to go further sexually than they really wanted.

**Source: Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Institute

Take the time to speak with your teen about violence. If it’s not happening to them it’s happening to someone they know.

Parents need to take notice of signs for dating violence and abuse of teenagers

When it comes to teen violence, many families struggle to notice it, even with their own children. Some people write off inappropriate comments by thinking, "That just part of being a teenager" or "Kids will be kids."  Other adults are intimidated by their own ignorance. You may not know the current language teenagers are using and so you feel out of touch.  Instead of embarrassing yourself when intervening, you simply avoid the potential conflict.  You do nothing.

Plus, we think as teenagers, they would speak out if someone their own age was making them feel uncomfortable or was hurting them.  Reality is the direct opposite.  Approval and being "part of the crowd" puts extreme pressure on teenagers NOT to speak out, even when they know something is not right.  You don't want to be the kid who ratted on someone.

What are the signs?  Here are some starting points for teenagers (and even pre-teens) to look out for:

1. Extreme jealousy
2. Controlling behavior
3. Quick involvement
4. Unpredictable mood swings
5. Alcohol and drug use
6. Explosive anger
7. Isolates you from friends and family
8. Uses force during an argument
9. Shows hypersensitivity
10. Believes in rigid sex roles
11. Blames others for his problems or feelings
12. Cruel to animals and children
13. Verbally abusive
14. Abused former partners
15. Threatens violence

The above 15 points are from Michelle Woods and her team at MayDay Inc.  Michelle also states that as an educator and law enforcement, you should be on the lookout for these signs:

1. Physical signs of injury
2. Truancy, dropping out of school
3. Failing grades
4. Indecision
5. Changes in mood or personality
6. Use of drugs or alcohol
7. Emotional outbursts
8. Isolation

Bottom line, we need to teach our teens to choose better relationships and partners. Re-enforce the qualities of a loving and fair partner. As parents, we are responsible for teaching teens the warning signs.

Here is a recent article where these tips were provided by Michelle Woods and MayDay Inc:
Baker City Herald – MayDay Helps Teens Avoid Violence

Sexual Harrassment, students, parents, and schools

I came across an article that got my attention.   A school was having difficulty with outbreaks of hazing, violence, and sexual assault.  To combat it, they put together a taskforce of teachers & administration, parents and students. 

Making students a part of the process to make their environment safer gave them ownership and insight to the problem.  Making students a part of the process compelled them to participate.  They saw they could contribute and understood they added value to the system.  The students and the rest of the taskforce were vigilant in correcting the problem.  Now the school has policies and procedures in place to deal with outbreaks.  The students are accountable for their actions and are required to participate in restorative justice. 

You can read the article at:
http://www.reformer.com/ci_8136614?source=most_viewed

How do your kids use the word, "Slut"?  Many pre-teens and teenagers will tell you the word is "No big deal because people use it for all different meanings."  The reality is that the word "Slut" is very powerful.  The #1 reason students tell me that females do not speak openly about sex or "Ask First" before engaging in intimacy with a partner is because many females are "AFRAID" of being called a "Slut."  The word is soo powerful it stops females from speaking their mind openly and honestly.  We must work diligently to decrease the use of this word among youth and adults (after all, we are the role models).

Dating Violence Among Teenagers Ignites Activism

Monday, February 4, 2008 marks the third annual “National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week’.  Beginning Monday, students across the country will begin campaigns bringing to light this reality among our children.  Sadly, this reality has been an unnoticed problem for a long time.

According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control and Prevention) a reported 9% of American teens reported they have been physically hurt by their boyfriend or girlfriend.  Even more frightening is the way technology is being used to stalk, intimidate and abuse our children.  Many teens are embarrassed to admit this is going on and it goes unreported. 

As parents, educators, and law enforcement, it is our responsibility to teach our children that violence and dating is not ok, to identify what is acceptable behavior, and what to do if they do not like how they are being treated.  We need to give them the tools to stay safe and date safe! 

Here are some great links for more information: www.TheSafeSpace.org and www.BreakTheCycle.org

SHARE In the "Comments" section what students are doing in your area.  If you have ideas for schools, parents, or law enforcement, share with us.

Parents and Teens, Let’s Talk About Sex

What is the message parents are giving their children when it comes to sex education?   For the most part, is seems to be nervousness.  You can read examples in the following article:

Kids continually tell stories about how awkward their parents acted when giving them “the talk”.  Is that the message parents should be sending; that sex and talking about sex is awkward and let’s get the conversation over with as soon as possible? 

Parents need tools to help them talk.  Here is a neat approach:  Our bodies are the only thing we truly can call our own.  As the owner, you decide how it’s treated, who touches it, what we feed it, and how we take care of it. 

This is the message we should be sending our children when it comes to sex and teen violence.  Discuss the emotions involved with sex.  Talk about what love is; respect, open communication, consent, boundaries and what love isn’t; manipulation, intimidation, jealousy, control, violence.   

Remember, your child is your biggest mirror.  The attitudes and behavior regarding sex or any aspect of your life will mimic itself in your child.  Check your attitudes and behaviors and readjust if necessary.