An Interview with John Petroski (writer of "Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It"). What Now?

The recent article in The Recorder (student newspaper at Central Connecticut State University) titled, "Rape Only Hurts If You Fight It"' has caused great pain to many people across the country.  As individuals share their reactions in e-mails, blogs, "Letters to the Editor", and many other mediums, we wanted to provide a direct outlet for both the conversation and the future.

In deciding what to post on our blog, I have chosen not to reprint the original article.  Why?  Because many survivors have shared the pain this article has caused and so we are giving each individual the choice to read the article through other online sources.  From what I have been told and could find, The Recorder has pulled the article.  By doing a search on the internet, you can find the article posted on blogs and various websites.  The apology the writer gave on his campus earlier this week is not available on many websites and so you can read it by clicking here.

The second reason we chose not to publish the original article is the possibility that the author could have written this article to get publicity.  Reprinting the article would only be bring further publicity -- while potentially hurting more people who's lives have been effected by the crime and tragedy of sexual assault (the apology does not include the shocking and painful wording found in the original article).

What we have done is gone directly to the source.  This evening, I shared an exchange of e-mails with John Petroski, the writer of the orginal article.  I contacted him to see how accountable he was being for the words he wrote.  At no time prior did John Petroski contact me.  I initiated the conversation.  I do believe the progression of events is important to those people who may argue, "If he contacted you, then he might just be using you for more publicity."

What I do want to provide is an opportunity for EVERYONE to share their reactions with him directly!!  While this writer has had the opportunity to be heard, many others do not have a large platform to share their thoughts.  I wanted to insure that every voice would have the chance to be heard by the actual author of the original article.  To do so, I needed to discover whether he would listen or read anyone's comments.  Therefore, the following is the precise exchange of 2 e-mails shared tonight (afterward, I asked for John Petroski's permission to share the e-mails and he gave full permission).  Below are the exact words.  After the progression of e-mails, my comments follow:

E-mail from Mike Domitrz to John Petroski:

To help all those whose pain you've caused, I will share your e-mail on my blog at www.askingfirst.com.  With your apology, I'm sure you accept responsibility to respond to the people you hurt throughout this country.  Now that your voice has been heard, many of them want you to hear theirs.

Response from John Petroski to Mike Domitrz:

I would appreciate that, Mr. Domitrz.  I would also appreciate any advice or suggestions from you as to how to help people who I have hurt.  I understand that there were some women at CCSU who spoke of feeling suicidal and I do not want any more harm to come from my article than already has.

I was thinking of perhaps speaking at events for raising awareness.  Obviously, not now.  Not until I have become much, much more educated on the subject.  But I do think that I have learned some important lessons here.  I would like to share them with people who would like to learn them in an easier fashion.

Forgive me for being curt earlier.  I can never tell who is a news station or who is interested in helping people.  I have a copy of the apology.  I will attach it for you.  Please note that the last part (below the dashes) is a non-verbatim account of a few words I felt moved to say before reading my prepared statement.  I do not have a record of the exact words I said, but I felt the very last paragraph is especially important and wanted to include it.

In that sense, I would invite you to give my school email out to absolutely anyone who wishes for me to hear their story.  I promise that I will read every one.  They all are forwarded through to this private account.

I apologize for the harm this has caused everyone,

John P. Petroski

end of e-mails.

What is your reaction?  What are your thoughts?  What do you recommend for John Petroski?  You can comment on this blog or e-mail us at The Date Safe Project at info@thedatesafeproject.org. I gave him 3 suggestions and told him I would invite my colleagues around the country, survivors, professionals, educators, and others to share their ideas with him.  Too often, media and people in power can make statements that harm others without ever having to hear directly from the people they hurt.  Not this time -- assuming this writer will read your e-mails (as he stated). 

If you use the e-mail address provided above, all e-mails will be forwarded to John Petroski from a general e-mail account (he will not see your e-mail address). The reason we are not including his personal e-mail address is to protect survivors and individuals.  Since the writer has acknowledged his need for more education and understanding of the issue, we want to avoid having him respond directly with comments which could further cause harm (whether intentional or accidental).

You have a college student asking for advice.  When I work with college students around the country, sometimes a student comes up and says, "I've made some very poor choices in the past that I now realize were wrong.  My choices hurt other people. I don't ever want to do that again.  In fact, I want to make sure others do not make my mistakes."

Many of us who work in education and especially with addressing issues surrounding sexual assault have had students share such words with us.  How do you respond?  How do we utilize this moment to make a positive difference for the future?  Here is one example of an idea for the author:

EXAMPLE

Have John Petroski work with his student newspaper to print a lengthy series of articles on the many issues surrounding sexual assault on college campuses (a feature article in each edition for the next 4-6 weeks).  Have John Petroski involved with the research (to help him learn).  Before going to print, have each article approved by professionals from local rape crisis centers to insure they are written well and address the subject matter in an appropriately sensitive manner.  Upon each article being edited and approved by local agencies, then release the articles to run nationally (for those papers that will pick up the story).  The writer of each article should be noted as "Those Who Care" to insure no one is writing the article to gain publicity.

Some people have called for John Petroski to be completely removed from the student newspaper staff.  What would you do?  What would you write to John Petroski?  Comment here or e-mail info@thedatesafeproject.org.  

Holding people accountable is one of the greatest ways to create positive change!!

Comments

[Loree Monroe]

I just went to The Recorder archives and found another editorial by John Pertroski about a man's right to have a say in a woman's choice for abortion. I agree that this topic is likely more controversial and he has a right to his opinion when there are varied thoughts. His statements are still is very unsympathetic toward women. He says, "but a mother can overrule his opinion and decide that her carefree nights of binge drinking take precedence to another human’s life." Now, in my experience, women who have chosen abortion did so for other reasons than their desire to continue binge drinking.
I just hope he isn't taking the risk of making any woman pregnant if he is not certain that woman's stand on abortion if this is how he feels. Like the website says: Ask First.
http://clubs.ccsu.edu/recorder/editorial/editorial_item.asp?NewsID=132

[Juliette Grimmett]

I am completely outraged by this. It doesn't make any sense to me that anyone could write something like this and not recognize its consequences. I do not believe what he is saying, and certainly do not want him to be doing public talks about this. I absolutely believe that he needs to be fired from the paper. He shows absolutely no empathy or consciousness surrounding violence against women. In fact, he clearly shows the opposite.

In trying to use this as a positive thing (uggghh, gulp), this editorial can (I hope) speak strongly to the need for University and community sexual violence employees to provide training to campus newspaper staff about issues surrounding interpersonal violence (stalking, sexual violence and relationship violence).

I do not feel that this John is worth any of my time. I hope that the campus community is outraged by what he has done (and also with the newspaper that published and printed it!) and responds to this.

Juliette

[Chicklet]

What needs to happen:

1. John Petroski and editor-in-chief Mark Rowan need to resign. Their continued presence poisons the Recorder's credibility on the campus. As horrible as what Petroski wrote was, Rowan had the final say. He green-lighted Petroski and caused this situation. According to news reports, there have been complaints that the Recorder had grown increasingly hostile to women, gays and minorities in recent months. That falls on both of them. Sadly, they are both still around (Petroski was forced out of his position as editorial editor but is still free to write) and refuse to leave. Even former Recorder staff are calling on Rowan to step down:

http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=17871937&BRD=1641&PAG=461&dept_id=10109&rfi=6

2. There needs to be a stronger link between the Recorder and the English (which oversees Journalism) and Communications departments. Faculty advisors are that in name only. They have no presence at the Recorder, and the fault for that lies both with the advisors and the Recorder staff.